HARNESS THE POWER OF EMOTIONS TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF AND OTHERS
14 April 2021
By Begoña Martinez
Showing strong emotions, be it socially or at the workplace, has traditionally been considered inappropriate and misplaced. Especially displays of negative emotions, such as anger or jealousy, are not considered politically correct.
Employees often struggle to hide their frustration and stress. Couples and friends may develop a passive/aggressive attitude that erodes trust; well-intentioned mid-managers make efforts to mask their emotions and may in the long run suffer from depression. High executives may develop an authoritarian style of leadership that curbs collaboration and stalls creativity.
Yet, emotions are an integral part of who we are:it would be virtually impossible to expect anyone to leave their emotions behind when they cross the office door or when they connect to their next online meeting.
Rather than suppressing negative emotions, consider exploring and befriending them. This will allow you to understand who you are, what really matters to you, and why others act the way they do. Understanding your emotional life may go a long way towards developing self-compassion, empathy and true connection with yourself and others.
What are emotions?
According to Dr Paul Ekman, a leading expert psychologist, there are five universal emotions that are shared by all human beings.
Dr Ekman is the first ever scientist who has developed an extensive map of the human emotions, called the Atlas of Emotions. It was developed at the initiative of HH the Dalai Lama and partly funded by the Mind & Life Institute.
According to Ekman’s Atlas of Emotions, the five universal emotions are common to all of us, regardless of language, culture, ethnicity or upbringing. In that sense, they are considered to be a biological asset.
The five universal emotions are sadness, fear, disgust, anger, and joy. Each of these emotions have their own distinctive signals, physiology and timeline. While their timeline may vary depending on the given emotion, it should not last longer than an hour. Beyond that timeframe, an emotion may become a mood or a disorder.
“Emotions are a process, a particular kind of automatic appraisal influenced by our evolutionary and personal past, in which we sense that something important to our welfare is occurring, and a set of psychological changes and emotional behaviors begins to deal with the situation." – Paul Ekman, PhD
All the emotions have three common parts:
A subjective component: how you experience the emotion.
A physiological component: how the emotion is experienced in the body, what bodily sensations accompany an emotion.
An expressive component: how you behave and act in response to an emotion.
Emotions show you your moral compass
Emotions can be very helpful, when you tune into them and listen to what they are telling you. For example, emotions show you what is important to you. You feel sad at the loss of something or someone that is dear to you.
You get angry at injustice in the world or when you receive unfair treatment. You feel jealous when your mating partner shows signs of attraction for another male or female that may endanger the chances or reproduction. And you feel envy at your colleague’s competence because you recognize the value it may have in getting the next promotion.
Emotions have the capacity to show you what matters to you: they are often triggered when the values that make up your moral compass are trampled.
Emotions can also help you in decision-making
When faced with an important decision, do you usually make up a list of pros and cons or do you go with your gut feeling? Even if you are the rational type, emotions are created in response to thoughts about the present or memories of the past that taint the current situation with a certain tone.
Your decision in a given situation may be very different depending on whether you are feeling angry, sad, anxious or joyful. You may end up taking an inappropriate action based on poor judgement out of anger; devaluing yourself faced with a promotion, out of sadness; procrastinating an important decision out of fear and anxiety; and taking on a new project that goes beyond your capabilities, out of joy and over-confidence.
What is the evolutionary role of emotions?
According to Charles Darwin, from an evolutionary perspective, emotions help solve a wide variety of adaptive problems that may jeopardize chances of survival.
As Dr Ekman says, “emotions prepare us to deal with important events without having to think about them”. Faced with a survival challenge – such as escaping a predator – fear triggers a series of physiological processes (accelerated heartbeat, cortisol rush, blocking of digestive system) that prepares the body to flee without the need to rationally think about it – which in extreme cases of danger would have disastrous consequences.
Nowadays there are abundant instances in which the instinctive stress response is maladapted to the environment we live in: chances to be attacked by a tiger in the high street are pretty low.
Yet, modern society is full of imagined “predators”, such as an authoritarian boss, that – although they don’t represent a real threat to survival – are perceived by the limbic system of the brain as a real threat to your welfare.
The fight or flight mechanism is activated: the suprarenal glands saturate the blood stream with high doses of cortisol, the heartbeat accelerates, hands sweat and the digestive system blocks. A maladapted physiological response which persisting over time may have disastrous effects on your health and well-being.
“The human brain is hardwired for negativity, which helped human beings survive in adverse circumstances – Yet time has come for an upgrade in our hardware so that our species may develop better adapted ways to respond to modern challenges.” —Joe Loizzo, PhD, Nalanda Institute
How can mindfulness, awareness and self-compassion help regulate emotions?
The practice of mindfulness, awareness and self-compassion is said to play a key role in emotional regulation. Mindfulness practice helps us harness the emotions to our benefit, rather than letting them guide us on autopilot.
An emotion is triggered by an external event, nourished by an internal perception and maintained in time though recurrent attention. Mindfulness allows you to modify your internal perception and to redirect your attention away from your emotional trigger.
The internal perception of an emotion is shaped by your education, values, upbringing, childhood traumas and past experiences – The practice of mindfulness, awareness and self-compassion may go a great length towards establishing a healthier relationship with your traumatized self.
An easy way to bring awareness to your emotions
Befriending your emotions doesn’t need to be difficult or time-consuming. This practice can be done at any moment during the day, or even in the midst of an emotional upheaval:
Sit in a quiet place with your back straight and your feet touching the ground.
Breath normally, paying close attention to the sensations of the breathing in the tip of your nose, as it goes in and out, and to the gentle movement of your tummy as it inflates and deflates.
Progressively guide your attention to the physical sensation of the emotion, wherever it may happen in the body: pulsing of the heart, tight throat, tight neck, bursting chest, etc.
Make a thorough exploration of the physical sensation: what color does it have? What shape does it have? How intense is it, from 0 to 9?
Bring your full awareness to the physical sensation and maintain your focus of attention on the various qualities of the bodily sensation.
At this point, it may be difficult to stay with the emotion as it is happening. Taking its bodily sensation as an anchor for your attention will help you maintain the center. That terrible emotion which we perceived as paralyzing and threatening may become more manageable this way.
-Each time you notice that you are being caught up in the thoughts of the “story” that triggered the emotion, redirect your attention away from it and on to your breathing or to the physical sensation of the emotion, as described above.
“Stay with the emotion”, giving it as much care, loving-kindness and compassion as you possibly can. Bringing to it as much affectionate attention as you would do with a new born baby or a loving pet.
This wonderful practice, if exercised regularly, can have a long lasting effect on how you relate to your own emotions and to those of others.
Here at Landguet Ried, we know that it’s not always easy to keep up regular practice on your own. That’s why we offer you several programmes during the year that will help you deal with your emotions effectively and constructively. Check it out here >
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Begoña Martinez is Managing Director at Landguet Ried, Center for mindful living, since December 2015. Previously, she served as Senior Programme Manager at the World Economic Forum, where she led the development of the health and leadership programmes of the Davos agenda from 2008 to 2015 and pioneered the inclusion of mindfulness topics on the annual agenda, working closely with thought leaders in the field, such as Jon Kabat-Zinn, Richard Davidson and Matthieu Ricard. She has practiced Buddhism and meditation for over 20 years under the guidance of her buddhist teacher, Gyetrul Jigme Rinpoche.